


Dad?

by KillerKells202



Category: RWBY
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Abandonment, F/M, Minor Character Death, Non Father/Daughter Relationship, Other, Post-Divorce, fluff if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 21:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18582697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillerKells202/pseuds/KillerKells202
Summary: Yang sits on her bed looking out the window thinking about her life





	Dad?

**Author's Note:**

> Probably my second most depressing fic. #1 I never posted and deleted it all together.
> 
> I'd like to thank MostWantedJ for reading and editing this before I posted it. Thanks J!

Yang sat in her room in Patch. Well, home that wasn't home. She was living with her Uncle Qrow, Aunt Summer and her cousin Ruby. If it wasn't for their kindness, she would've been doomed in the foster care system. This place felt more like a home. She wanted her father, Taiyang. _Yang_. Her thoughts scoffed. Her mother, Raven left when she was young. Yang didn't have a single memory of her. She stared out the window thinking about her father, wondering what her mother-Raven was like. From the information Qrow told her, Yang has the best parts of Raven. She huffed thinking how she could be like someone she didn't know. 

The scenery outside brought little comfort. December snow blanketing the ground, the air too chilly to be outside for very long. It set the mood for how she was feeling. Cold, the gray clouds representing the tears that were there but wouldn't come. The outside dark from the lack of sun like how she felt inside. 

As she stared outside, her thoughts were of why Raven left her, if Tai loved his bottle more than her, but mostly why both left. Was Raven leaving unexpected? Was Tai's death only a matter of time and did she fail to stop it? Yang wondered if either of them cared about her at all.

She kept staring at the window. She used to do it a lot waiting for father to come and pick her up. She was always the last kid at school. Tai promised he would be there only for it to be Uncle Qrow with an apology or some excuse. After a while, Qrow quit making excuses and apologized. How many promises did her father brake in that alone? One day, she was extremely bored after her homework was complete, helped the teacher clean the classroom, as usual, and played with items that weren't too messy. She was reading or working on puzzles until her uncle came. She waited...longer than usual. She was bored of the puzzles and books. Her Qrow was late and even the teacher was concerned. Yang sat at the window for someone to appear. She couldn't leave the school because of the rules but she was bored, waiting.  
\---  
Yang saw the familiar car pull up. Face and hands pressed as close to the window as possible in excitement. Seeing the tall, scrawny man, she dropped. Her uncle was slumped over. His sadness physically obvious. His face was rugged, the outside of his eyes red and puffy, streams of tears in his eyes. Yang rushed to his side but Qrow's hand went up as he whispered something to the teacher. She nodded sadly a few times. 

Qrow turned to his niece. “Hey kiddo. I'm sorry I'm late. Let's get you outta here.” He tried to smile but faltered. He offered his hand and Yang took it as he led her to the car. His hand was softer than normal, gentler.  
\---

As Yang sat on the bed, she was still waiting for Tai to pick her up from Qrow's, or she's spending endless sleep overs at her cousin's house. She heavily sighed. “How could you leave me?” She asked no one. Raven, Tai, both her parents abandoned her. Did she really know her father though? How can you miss someone you never knew?

She didn't know what it was like to be addicted. She just knew it killed her father. She attended his funeral. Uncle Qrow decided to do an open casket, anything Yang wanted to make her grief easier. Seeing her father at peace helped, but he wasn't coming to pick her up. He wasn't coming back. He's gone. He told her he loved her, but picking up a bottle instead of her, how could she believe it? When her uncle told her what happened, she was in disbelief. She didn't want to believe it was true. She didn't want to nor believe it was real. 

With the window open, she could smell Qrow's cigarette. She closed her eyes and took a whiff. As much as she hated the smell, it reminded her of her father. Instead of Qrow standing out in the snow, she saw Tai. She closed her eyes, lowering her head knowing he wasn't there. He was never there and he wasn't coming back. In her mind, there was nothing worse seeing her dad's state of mind everyday except for hell itself. Her heart ached missing him. She was trapped in her own personal hell, hell on earth. She heard somewhere that pain is a prison. They never talked about the type of pain, physical, mental, emotional or otherwise. Yang was trapped in her own prison of pain. No warden or jailer to set her free. She wanted to be free of her cell. She needed to be free of her pain but unsure how. Yang could cry, but what was the point? Her eyes would hurt and nothing would change. They call it an emotional catharsis of freedom but there was no freedom. The pain would always be there, and as long as it was there, there was no freedom from her cell. She was caged like the monster of anger inside her. It was roaring to be free, lash out and destroy everything she knew. Nothing was the same anymore. A new life, a new house, new family, but not a home. Yang missed her home.  
\---  
    Yang ran inside her house, report card in hand. She giggled, hiding the paper behind her back, handing it over. His eyes glazed over as he scrolled over the letters. Tai showed a small smile told her he was proud of her. He just smiled, say I'm proud of you, then walk away. He didn't-.  No. He didn't know her at all. He never asked how she earned those grades, he never saw her study, he never helped with homework even if she asked for it. He told her he was proud of her, but it was empty, there was no conviction behind his voice. Empty, just like his promises.  
\---

    Yang screamed into her pillow. The tears finally came. He said he was coming to pick her up. He told her he was proud of her. He didn't even know her. She hardly knew him. All she knew was the Tai after Raven left. Qrow told her what he was like before drinking. She was too young to remember, but he was sill in the bottle after she was born, but it increased as Raven left because of it. All she knew was the Tai that was addicted to pills, taking them with alcohol to feel the heightened effects. Her anger burned, it raged for her father. He was absent all her life, pretending to care about her when he didn't. 

    He promised her he was coming to pick her up from school only for Qrow to show up, he was in the pursuit for more pills. She felt embarrassed and humiliated, telling her friends that they would finally meet her dad only to be the last kid picked up by her uncle. Seeing her friends smiling and hugging, asking about their day and what they did as they left the building, left her longing and forlorn as she stared out the window to be picked up. Their parents were there and cared for them while her father and mother were absent. Her dad never asked, he never cared. She came home, her homework complete before going home as it became routine with the teacher's help as she played video games to not be bored. Even looking at her cousin, Ruby could tell Yang each of her parent's favorite color food, song, and how they met just at the top of her head. Yang hardly knew anything about her dad. 

    Eventually it got someone's attention. She was in a room with her dad. It was awkward. Neither had anything to say. Yang didn't know the blonde man sitting across from her. Even when he asked his one question about how school was going, she replied with one word, 'good'. After that, you could hear a needle drop. The lady watching in the corner writing things down sure didn't help matters. Yang saw her before, she wasn't a stranger when she should've been. Yang felt neglected. This was her father, half of her and she barely knew him. She didn't even know his favorite color. At the time, she felt scared. Why was this happening and what would come of it? The lady wrote down everything they said, recording their entire short conversation. Yang felt like it wasn't her father but a stranger. It was someone you were trying to get to know but should already have a relationship with instead of awkward silence. She knew her aunt, uncle and cousin better than she knew the man that was supposedly her father. 

    As Yang sat there looking out the window replying memories that lead to this point, she still couldn't understand. Did Tai want to see her grow? Didn't he want to be part of her life and feeling that accomplishment with her? No, not he didn't. The alcohol. The pills were more important. All he had to do was say a two letter word, 'no', throw them out and quit, even if it took a while, Yang would've preferred that over living with a stranger. But he couldn't-didn't do it. He continued to drink, drinking his addiction until it killed him. 

    Yang was supposed to be his world, a reason to get better. Instead, the place where she was supposed to be in his life was replaced by alcohol. How many times she tortured herself with question of what was more important her dad, her, or alcohol. Her father decided for her, everyday he didn't pick her up. Everyday he called Qrow to babysit and she hung out with her cousin. Everyday he ignored her to drink. He choose the alcohol over every time until he couldn't make a choice anymore. Yang always answered the question with the same answer. He'd keep drinking until the drink killed him. 

    Even though he was gone, Yang could still feel him. His spirit lived on or so she was told and what she felt. Someone tell her it wasn't real. 

    The questions she couldn't answer. Why would he leave her? He left her alone. How could he just leave? He made it too easy. It was so simple for him to leave, like he planned it. No type of connection to her, just disappears for a many and a drink so it was easy for him to leave. He just left her. Why would he leave her? The one question she couldn't no matter how hard she tried and no one else had an answer. 

    She turned her head to a nearby dresser. In a small wood picture frame, was a picture of her and her father. Yang was small. She asked her dad specifically to have a picture taken. She saw all the pictures Ruby had with her family while she didn't have one. She wanted to have at least one. The sad part, she wanted her father, not some picture or memory. Looking at it, it killed her. She begged and pleaded to have in taken. Her father wasn't feeling well, in the picture, he was thin, his five-o'clock shadow evident. He drank more than he ate-anything really. 

    She longed for a relationship with her father. Now, she won't ever have that. He was gone permanently. There was nothing Yang could do to bring him back. Why did she feel like she lost something she never had? Perhaps it was the idea of longing for a father and what could've been. Instead, he wouldn't be there to watch her graduate high school, the most exciting time of her life. He should've been to remind her he loved her. He should've been there to tell her congratulations, share a hug, smile and he would've told her he was proud and really mean it. She'd never experience this moment. Lost forever like all his empty promises. For as long as she lived, Yang would wait at the window, staring out, waiting for him, even if she knew he wasn't coming. Where was he? What was taking him so long? Probably another beer run. 

    She was too young at the time to understand exactly what happened. Where was he at? He was gone but he'd be back. No. Not this time. The alcohol consumed him, not the other way around. He wasn't a prisoner because he numbed his pain. Instead he was walking along with freedom of a drink but trapped on the path he was on. Yang was at the window waiting for Tai to show. 

    The female blonde closed her lilac eyes remembering his blue eyes and how he was captured in his addiction. Kids at her school were partying and drinking for fun and laughs but it's not funny. It was recreational for them. They didn't see the harm, it was only one drink. The kids laughed over the stupid stuff they did. In Yang's case, she didn't go despite the invites. It only trudged up bad memories. Tai suffered from his addiction. 

    Qrow confided that he didn't quite understand the addiction. Everything he tried to help his brother-in-law would earn lash back and escalate the situation. Yang didn't know, she didn't understand what was happening at the time. Tai never understood that. He couldn't grasp that she had no idea what was happening or why. All she knew, was that she had a father who was never there. She accepted their relationship even if she didn't like it looking at the other kids. She wasn't sure if she could forgive him. Part of her wish she could but most of her was still angry about his selfishness and now it would affect both of them because of the conscious decisions he made. Her residual feelings for her father and the childhood she was given was still there. She wanted to forgive him knowing he didn't deserve it, but she still couldn't bring herself to. 

    All this time. All the time that had passed, she still couldn't forgive him. Yang thought she'd feel better. She thought she'd feel better as time passed. Time was a healer was it not. No, no it wasn't. If he really cared, if he really wanted to be there with and for her, he would. Instead, she was wondering where he was. Where the hell was he at? Ever the absent father as usual. Nothing new there. 

    Why'd he leave? Why would he leave her alone? How could he leave? Was it just that easy? All these questions spiraling in her head getting nowhere. It was like being in a rocking chair. She was doing something, but she wasn't going anywhere. She'd never know and no one but the person she cared about most was gone and would never be able to answer. Her mind went back to the last conversation she had with her dad.  
\---

    “Don't you listen to anything other than rock?” Tai asked. 

    “Sure.” Yang held out her hand silently asking for Tai's scroll. She typed in the song as it started playing.

>   
>  _This thing called love can be so cold_  
>  It can be miserable, or it can be beautiful  
>  This thing called love can be so cold  
>  Sometimes it's amazing, sometimes it's crazy  
>  This thing called love 
> 
> _Check, check, eh_  
>  Listen, your love is like a drug that everybody uses  
>  You wanna know the outcome  
>  Depends on how you use it  
>  Love could be your best friend  
>  Love could be your enemy  
>  Love could be the thing you wish you had  
>  But you don't ever see  
>  Love can be the reason why you're afraid to have it  
>  Some say it like it means something  
>  Others it's a habit  
>  And some would say it's tragic  
>  Some say it's beautiful  
>  Some say it's black and it's dark like a funeral  
>  And some would die for it  
>  Some don't think it's even real  
>  Some say they understand  
>  But don't know how it feels  
>  Some say that it's alive  
>  Some say that it can kill  
>  But most of us that been in it  
>  Know that sometimes it will  
>  I ain't gonna sugarcoat it  
>  Yea, sometimes it might surround you  
>  One minute it's saving you  
>  Next it's trying to drown you  
>  Some people want to show it  
>  But were never taught how to  
>  And some of us is searching  
>  Feeling like it never found you 
> 
> _This thing called love can be so cold_  
>  It can be miserable, or it can be beautiful  
>  This thing called love can be so cold  
>  Sometimes it's amazing, sometimes it's crazy  
>  This thing called love 
> 
> _Your love is like a privilege_  
>  A lot of us abuse it  
>  Do with it what we want  
>  And then start drama when we lose it  
>  Pretend that it ain't nothing to us  
>  Pretend like it's useless  
>  We don't know why we do this  
>  But yet, we still pursue it  
>  And love, it can consume you  
>  Turn you into something else  
>  Bury the real you so deep  
>  That you can't even find yourself  
>  Love, it can change you  
>  Love, it can tear you down  
>  Be the best thing you ever had  
>  And kick you on the ground  
>  Yo, you get on that high level  
>  Yea, you scared to fall  
>  Cause you know if that person hurts you  
>  You gonna lose it all  
>  They told you they would be there for you  
>  They don't even call  
>  So that openness you used to have  
>  Has become a wall  
>  Some say that it's patient  
>  Some say that it's kind  
>  I don't think it's invisible  
>  But I know that it's blind  
>  To some it's only physical  
>  Or all up in their mind  
>  See, it probably isn't there  
>  If you're struggling to find it 
> 
> _This thing called love can be so cold_  
>  It can be miserable, or it can be beautiful  
>  This thing called love can be so cold  
>  Sometimes it's amazing, sometimes it's crazy  
>  This thing called love 
> 
> _This love has got me down low_  
>  Now I guess I'm up high  
>  One minute I'm on the ground  
>  Next minute I'm in the sky  
>  I feel invincible  
>  And so unrejected  
>  Forget it, I'm invisible  
>  And I feel unprotected  
>  Yo I don't need nobody else  
>  Trust me, I'm fine  
>  I can't do this by myself  
>  I'm losing my mind  
>  I can see clearly  
>  Forget it  
>  I'm blind  
>  My heart says "DANGER"  
>  Can't you read the signs  
>  Yo but through all the pain  
>  I swear I love it  
>  No matter what you do  
>  It don't disappear  
>  Does it  
>  (Yo) I'd rather  
>  Spend a minute with love in my life  
>  Than go a million years without knowing  
>  What it's like  
>  You better grab it  
>  You don't want to lose it  
>  It brings pain  
>  It's insane  
>  But the bruises  
>  My God can take that all away  
>  You'll find that right person  
>  And everything that you thought  
>  That wasn't becomes worth it 
> 
> _This thing called love can be so cold_  
>  It can be miserable, or it can be beautiful  
>  This thing called love can be so cold  
>  Sometimes it's amazing, sometimes it's crazy  
>  This thing called love 
>
>> Tai's hands covered his eyes as he cried. “It's not true. This isn't true Yang. This isn't me. I love you sweetheart. I want you to know that...” 
>> 
>>     Yang listened as he rambled on like the drunk he was. There were times she couldn't help but roll her eyes or shrug as her father cried into his hands. She wished it wasn't true either, but here they were. She pat his back unsure how to comfort him other than a hug.  
>  \---
>> 
>>     Three weeks later, things changed. Qrow still picked her up, but that was went she found out what happened to her dad. He drank for the last time. The alcohol came back to finish him. His drinking was why Raven left. He drove her away. He divided their family. The alcohol took her away from him, now they finished him off for good. 
>> 
>>     She continued crying her eyes out in her room. Her room was the only place she was free to cry as much as wanted or needed. She didn't have to wear a mask of a smile to hide what and how she felt.  Music is the only thing she can relate to. The only place she could understand her emotions, describing them to emotions and how she feels. She felt like it was the only way she could talk to him, the only way to reach him even though he was gone. 
>> 
>> Yang recalled sitting at Tai's funeral. It took all her self-control not to lash out and scream. Sitting in the pew, the preacher talking didn't do him justice. It hurt that the reverend didn't know him and couldn't speak highly of him other than being the town drug. It was even hard for Yang. She didn't have any good memories. All she remembered was his drinking and being an absent in her life. 
>> 
>> Yang wished he was with her. Every time she imagined him, all she was was a bottle, she felt the pain. She hated this. She hated the way her memories remembered him. She wanted them to be happy, she wanted joyous memories instead of hurt she felt when she thought about him. 
>> 
>> When Qrow told her what happened, he didn't saying until she asked years later not wanting to keep the truth from her. He was face down on the floor half a bottle inches from his hand with contents spilled out of it in a small puddle. Yang knew he was hallow. He drank himself until he no longer felt anything. Tai's depression wasn't a secret. Now, he pain was over. He gave everything, time, money, his wife, kid, giving up his life as a father, whatever it required for him to get his next fix. In the end, he gave everything he had including his life to those bottles. In the end, those bottles he sacrificed everything for took his life. Yang wasn't sure if he was watching or if he could even hear her cry into her pillow. She missed him. She wanted her dad back.
>> 
>> There was a gentle knock at the door. Yang didn't-couldn't say anything. The person slowly opened the door. Summer slowly walked toward her, sat on the bed and opened her arms. Yang sniffled, removed the pillow from her face and buried her face in Summer's shoulder crying louder and letting all her emotions out. The older woman simply held her, rubbed her back and started humming. Summer always knew how to comfort her. She was the mother Yang never knew. Her fists balled into her white cape as she continued to hold her tight. After a while, her sobs muffled into whimpers. The whimpers turned into nothing. She emotionally exhausted herself into sleep. Summer laid her back on the bed, tucked her in, gave her a kiss on her forehead and silently left. Summer half smiled as she was happy to be their for her, but wished the circumstances were different. She was happy to have Yang.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by NF 'How could you leave us?'
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgTjFKVpmQU


End file.
